"Compassion takes us out of the center of every picture."

"Blessing" by Barbara Pescan

"We spend so much time running from ourselves
fleeing from what we know
about the goodness in our hearts
we think we can escape
the intelligence of our loving.

Imagine
you are standing before a bodhisattva-
Jesus, Buddha, the first mother,
it does not matter what you call the holy one-
he has dust on his shoes
chaff clings to her
the smells of being alive-
Shining from their faces is the beam of
All their questions
the compassion of their living

Can you see yourself in those eyes?
Can we know each other like this?
(We, who no longer believe in messiahs
can hardly believe in each other.)

Can we know ourselves seen
and know each other this same way
until our restless hearts learn to abide
in this knowing and in this love?
Can we live in this gaze of blessing?

Today I’d like to share some thoughts on a value from the second Unitarian Universalist principle- compassion. For those that don’t have it on the tip of your tongue, our second principle is "We affirm justice, equity and compassion in human relations," and I would hope, all relations.

Compassion means "feeling with" or "with feeling," and is related to the Hebrew word for ‘womb’. Compassion is a visceral emotion that is experienced below the head. Unlike justice and equity that are functions of reasoning, compassion is a capacity of the heart. I think it is important that our second principle contain both.

As there is growth and change experienced in the womb, compassion can bring about great transformations. I’m sure that we all have one or two relationships that we wish were different, whether it is with a parent, co-worker, child, partner or neighbor. Maybe our most difficult relationship is with ourselves.

What would it look like, what would it feel like, to have more understanding, less criticism, less judgment, more compassion?

This is not to say that we become a doormat... doormats are not known for their ability to feel. It means that even if we disagree with someone’s actions, that we assume that they are doing their best, however unskillful that might look.

It means that if someone acts with hatred, that at the same time that we are working to change the situation we acknowledge that their experience is probably quite painful.

But, why bother? Aren’t there other people around that can be kind? We have a tendency to think that because we have a social action committee and a pastoral care committee that compassion is covered. They are not enough. We are each blessed with a unique set of relationships and circumstances, and our own particular way of perceiving the world. No one else has the same opportunities to express love and compassion the way that you can. No one else can do what you can, right where you are, with the people around you, on this day.

To live without compassion means that we spend too much time listening to our ‘inner committee" that is critical and raises doubts, we turn down offers of help or don’t ask when we need it. We feel unworthy. We cannot forgive ourselves, or others.

A society without compassion judges one another, doesn’t notice when others are at risk, and buys into the idea that there isn’t enough time or resources to help those in need. To live without compassion is to image a judgmental god, a god who separates rather than unites.

In the 1930’s a group of men gathered to write down what they wanted to hold up as being important ideas of being human, of living humanely. The 14th affirmation of the first Humanist Manifesto contains the following: "The goal of humanism is a free and universal society in which people voluntarily and intelligently cooperate for the common good."

Compassion must be voluntary, and we must cooperate for the common good. Unfortunately, we too often believe that we must do it all alone, setting ourselves up for stress, failure, and a lack of connection. Compassion is what allows us to offer and accept help. It softens us.

So, if we believe that this is important, do we go home today, flip a switch and live differently? If only it were that easy. Today I offer the analogy of an IRA account as a method of making small changes toward living a more compassionate life. Just as we cannot expect to have money to use during retirement if we wait until age 62 to begin saving, internal shifts usually happen gradually.

The "I" in our IRA is for "intention". Create an intention for more compassion in your relationships; create space for it in each day. If you were going for a boat trip on a river, you would bring paddles, because it is your intention to steer.

What will you bring with you into tomorrow, if you have an intention to live with compassion? Take a moment to picture what one act of compassion could look like? Do you need to listen? To give? It may require physical effort, or a stretch of time? It may mean breathing deeply and not saying anything. I do not know what you will to have with you, but if you create the intention, there is a greater chance that you will have what you need.

One of the beautiful things about choosing to practice compassion is that there are endless opportunities. I have no doubt that after this service, before you even leave this building there will be a chance to practice. Even if you were to stay at home all day by yourself, there would be opportunity. Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, writes about her experience living in a monastery. She says, "Because it’s a monastery, there’s nothing you can do at Gampo Abbey that’s fun, unless you like to meditate all the time or take walks in nature, but everything gets boring after a while. There’s no sex there, you can’t drink there, and you can’t lie. Occasionally we see a video, but that’s rare and there’s usually some dispute about what it’s going to be. The food is sometimes good, and sometimes terrible; it’s just a very uncomfortable place. The reason it is uncomfortable is that you can’t get away from yourself there. However, the more people make friends with themselves, the more they find it a nurturing and supportive place.

Right now today, could you make an unconditional relationship with yourself? Just at the height that you are, the weight that you are, the amount of intelligence that you have, the burden of pain that you have? Could you enter into an unconditional relationship with that?"

Having an intention to live with compassion is saying that you are willing, even if you are not always able.

The "R" in our IRA is for Remember. I can have all the intention that I want, and as soon as a situation pushes one of my many buttons, I forget. I want to remember that everyone out there wants pretty much the same thing I do. We all want to feel joy, enthusiasm, relaxation, love. And, because this is real life, we each experience anger, hurt, loss, and fear. The story lines vary from person to person, but the emotions are very much the same. We also never know the whole story about anyone. I want to remember that.

Mary Mannin Morissey, a New Thought minister in Portland, Oregon, shared a personal story about her own forgetting. She was in a grocery store and the checker was particularly crabby. Mary had stood in line and listened while this checker was impatient with a customer and then snapped at a co-worker. She was surprised that the store would employ such a disagreeable person. On the way to her car, the bagger turned to her and said, "I hope that you don’t mind the checker in there, she’s having a really bad day. Her son was in a serious bike accident yesterday, and she couldn’t find anyone to take her shift. She’s really worried about him."

Suddenly the whole situation looked very different. She was filled with concern for this woman, and her grouchy demeanor lost its importance. Compassion takes us out of the center of every picture.

Imagine that you are playing a card game. You would assume that the person you are playing with is going to do their best with the cards that are in their hand. Life is that way. Some get better cards, and some may know the game a bit better, but we all do the best with the cards that we are dealt. Compassion is remembering that. No one plays unskillfully on purpose.

We can also remember our own feelings. Even if the story line has changed, we all know what sadness feels like. We all have felt thrilled, zinged about something. To have compassion is to remember our own emotional experiences.

We have intention, and remembering. With these two practices we are starting to build our compassion account. Now we come to the A, Action. Compassion is a feeling, or a state of being that often calls us to act. We may feel pulled to volunteer for an organization that helps the hungry, the oppressed, or the ill. Compassion is what helps me to be a better parent, on those days when I can recall what being 15 years old was like.

Jesus taught that acting with compassion was more important than the purity laws of his day. Through stories such as the Good Samaritan he illustrated that acknowledging another’s pain is not enough, that we must work to ease it. He taught that compassion was expected not just for those that we believe has earned it, but for everyone.

Sometimes the opportunity to act with compassion comes in unexpected ways. I heard a story about a congregation many galaxies from here, actually on the east coast. And in this congregation, people dressed up for church, not just because they wanted to, but because that was the standard. There was a particular older gentleman, a pillar of the community, who was the greeter every Sunday.

He made it clear to the members that Sunday best was expected, and that reverent behavior was required. He was not always known for his tact, although he did have a hearty handshake and a smile. One warm spring day, when the service was about to begin, a young man came in the back door wearing tattered jeans, flip flops, and carrying a backpack. He came in, and not finding an open pew, sat down comfortably in the aisle. As the minister stood to welcome the congregation, the elderly greeter started down the aisle, and the members sat, waiting for what was to come.

They fidgeted as he walked slowly with his cane, and approached the young man who was completely unaware of the tongue thrashing that he was about to receive. As the older man reached the front of the aisle, he set down his cane, and sat down on the floor next to the young visitor. There was complete silence in the sanctuary, until the minister cleared her throat and said, ‘you probably will not remember anything that I say today, but I doubt than any of you will forget the lesson that was just taught."

We have so many opportunities to be gentle, to be kind, to "feel with" another person, an animal, the earth. Don’t let these chances slip by.

Rabbi Lawrence Kushner told a story at the "God at 2000" conference that beautifully illustrates compassion in action. One of his student’s aunts was traveling on a train during the beginning of the Nazi regime in Germany. She sat at the back of a car, and could see two SS officers get on at the front, and begin to check identification papers of all passengers. They removed all Jewish travelers. Her hands trembled in fear as the men moved toward the rear of the car. A man sitting next to her saw her distress, and asked what was wrong. In a whisper she answered,

"I don’t have the papers they want. They will take me away." To her shock and horror the man stood and began yelling at her!

"You stupid woman! I can’t believe how stupid you are!" At this, she began to cry. The officers asked the man what he was yelling about. He replied, "It’s my wife. She’s so forgetful! I told her to remember her papers, but she’s left them at home." The SS officers laughed at the silly woman who had forgotten her I.D., slapped the man on the back, and moved on to the next train car.

This man clearly had the intention of being compassionate... he was able ‘feel with" a human being in distress. He didn’t know her whole story... he didn’t need to. He remembered what it felt like to be afraid, and he acted in response to that feeling.

If we practice compassion in small, incremental ways, our aptitude for it will grow. We add to a savings account, consciously feeding it, knowing that some day it will support us. May we each feel the interconnection of compassion, and come to be supported by its blessings.